How are you?
Is a question I hardly answer most of the time.
How are you is one of the most wretched phenomenon that has stuck with society.
How are you can mean three things :
- The person genuinely wants to know how you're doing (least likely, I'll explain later)
- The person hasn't met you for a long time, and starts off with this because they have nothing else to say to you. In all probability neither of you want to be talking to each other while in this situation.
- The person isn't really listening to what you're saying (worst possible circumstances)
By now you're thinking I'm just a mean old cynic but this all happens true. I'm pretty much a self-proclaimed scholar on things like this. Proof being, when you talk to your close friends, do you ever ask them 'how are you?' (unless you haven't talked with them for a while, situation two). You don't, because if you are the friend you are, you already know, you don't need to ask, and neither does the other person.
Elaborating on the above three,
1. There are very few people who genuinely want to know how you are. If they do, they would proceed to ask you specifically 'How did that summer internship go?' or 'How was your Maldives trip?' or something like that, because since they know these sort of things already (that you did an internship etc.), there is something real behind the how are you (they just have that habit of using the phrase). Friends don't count here, again, they already know how you are, and if they're real friends, you don't need to be poked about with an idiotic question like this to tell the other friend if you're 'not fine' in the first place.
2. This can go either way. Depending on the sort of person at the other end it can progress into something interesting or something you just need to get yourself out of. Usually its 50-50. This is the most tricky how are you to deal with. Don't disregard it though, take it in openly, give it a chance. Usually in the first five minutes you will be able to figure out whether you need to get out or not.
3. This happens to me too often. Essentially the conversation comes to several grinding halts and the other party (I won't) will inject several stimulus lines similar to how are you, like 'So what else is going on?' and 'Hows life then?'. This type of conversation is deadly, especially since the other party will be adamant at keeping it going, even though you know that this conversation isn't going to go anywhere and you're waiting for its slow but sure demise. These people usually aren't very good at keeping a conversation, for one reason or the other, sometimes they're just boring people, simple as that.
Lastly, there is one answer to the how are you - 'fine' (or a variant such as 'good' 'great' etc.). Hardly ever will the response be 'No, I'm not fine, because xyz' because as I said, people who ask the how are you aren't close enough to you for you to be able to actually tell them these sort of things, actually, you don't want them to know, because they probably don't care much in the first place. You will be taking this conversation to a level beyond its comfort zone, bringing in unnecessary awkwardness.
This is just a brief synopsis on my thesis of the how are you.
