Fruggums

There's nothing like it. What other device can make your cats jumpier, your hair softer, your vodka smoother, your veggies fresher, your sleep better, your car more fuel-efficient, heal Parkinson's disease, prevent jet-lag and make you the biggest dumbf**k on the planet.

This $300 piece of glass (feels like plastic, but fine, it's glass) claims to do all that and more by producing 'Beta Rhythm Resonance' (oh yes, that!) and 'Scalar Energy' using of course, nanotechnology (d'oh). And the secret to it's effectiveness? It 'restores the molecular structure of water', because obviously, there was something wrong with H2O in the first place.

In the pamphlet I've pictured above one can discover the many wonders of this amazing product. Do have a look. The last page is the best.

And then have a laugh at the thousands of people who bought it. Apparently the one aspect of your life this can't fix is extracting your brain back out of your ass.

You know, there's hardly any convincing required here. This thing is apparently made by fusing 13 types of 'technically engineered' minerals into the glass at 3000 degrees (Kelvin? Now that's convincing enough for most people). This is probably the only believable part of the entire thing because I'd assume if you mix some salt, tabasco and rat feces into the sand you make the glass with, you'd have fused some crap into it. 

I assure you there is no need for you to see, touch, taste, use or test this product to believe that it is a complete and utter lie. Just look at their websites.

After ranting on for countless paragraphs about it's amazing healing power they'll cite labs and sources that don't actually exist and then slap on some testimonials about people all over the world who benefited 

marvelously from a $300 piece of plastic (alright, alright - glass).

I hardly need to present my logical (like why is the entire medical community unaware of such a miraculous product?) or scientific (oh don't get me started) arguments here because anyone with a little common sense will know by looking at that pamphlet, that it is indeed, a scam.

But people still buy it. And use it. And then call me an absolute retard for not believing in it's magical powers (of course then prescribing me 3 liters of super-alpha-energized water per day). There's no point convincing them though, because people will hardly ever admit that the $300 piece of glass they just bought is made in China for $2 and has absolutely no capabilities except for making you a dumbf**k (which, mind you, not many products can do these days).

So the only thing I can say is, which f**king genius thought of this before I did.